Confessions Of a So Called “Reverse Lesbian”

My coworkers, friends, and family members have accused me in the past of being a “Reverse Lesbian.” 

Or, in other words, a feminist who maybe also hates women.

a woman who hates other women


I thought these comments were asinine, baseless, and moronic.

I didn’t hate women, I hated the women that made other women look bad. The stupid women:

  • The women who say their kids are sick so they can go get their hair done.
  • The women who use cramps as a default for acting like terrible humans.
  • The women who thrive on gossip, and have no real passions of their own.
  • The women who believe a man should take care of their financial needs.
  • The women who can’t hold a conversation unless it’s about makeup and the latest clothing trends...

The list was never ending..

I strongly believed I was a feminist at my core.

I believed women deserve equal rights. I personally have fought for equal pay. I’ve seen firsthand the stigma of being a working woman. I've lived the shame and guilt of being a working Mom.  I’ve been asked if I'm a secretary by people I've met. I’ve been paid less than men who were insignificant to companies I’ve worked for. I advocate for women's rights. Women can and should do anything they believe in.

Clearly, without a doubt, I was a feminist.

And then I got a healthy dose of reality. And it hit hard.

By judging these women, not befriending these women, and essentially discrediting them completely.

I was the problem.

My belief system was elaborately skewed. I was categorizing, judging, and holding a wide variety of women in a box. I was perpetuating the very problem that I have been fighting to fix. And, as I put myself into the shoes of the women I was judging, it became very clear just how wrong I was.

And not only was I ignorant and judgemental, but maybe it had nothing to do with these women, and everything to do with me. Maybe it was my own insecurities that I was projecting.

  • Maybe there’s a part of me that is envious of the women who can skip work to get their hair done.  Maybe I secretly wish I could ethically justify my bad behavior on cramps.
  • Maybe sometimes I AM the girl who likes to gossip with her friends.
  • Maybe sometimes I wish I could just eat pray love my life away on someone else’s money.
  • Maybe sometimes I am embarrassed to not have a clue about what is going on in the fashion world, and can’t connect with women in this realm.

And guess what? It's okay for me to acknowledge my own flaws. It's okay to see where I went wrong.

And to be a true feminist & humanist, I must continue to evaluate my own beliefs. I must be able to see the boxes I create around people.

I must continue to be self-aware.

And to all the women I’ve put into boxes before, I’m genuinely sorry.

You are perfect just as you are.

You can do anything.

Let’s work together to squash these boxes we put ourselves in as women. Let's stop competing with each other. Let's stop seeing each other as the enemy. Let’s fight for what we deserve. Let’s believe in ourselves and each other to make a change.

We can. And I believe, we will.